Confidence Holding You Back From Really Living?
I got the best compliment I have possibly ever received from a band member who I had just seen perform…
“I have never seen someone enjoy a concert as much as you before.”
This meant so much to me because I spent so many years of my life not really living and my confidence at rock bottom…
… I wasn’t happy. I wasn’t fulfilled. I was just existing.
At that time I wouldn’t go out for anything other than for the most basic essentials.
I didn’t really have any fun and I didn’t relax and enjoy the moments when I was out.
And I didn’t feel confident in who I was enough to allow myself to do the things I wanted to do and I didn’t feel like I deserved them as I hadn’t achieved what I wanted.
I used to feel like I shouldn’t do the things I wanted…
… That letting myself relax and have fun was bad in some way.
I used to use excuses to not go out or do what I wanted – like I didn’t have the money or I was too tired or I had nothing to wear.
But the real reason was that every time I thought of going out or doing something I wanted that might be fun something inside me would shrivel up into a really small tight ball and then I’d be filled with feeling sick and dread.
Anxiety and lack of confidence would eat me up.
… I would stress over the details of how everything when I was out, would work logistically and that would put me off even planning things.
On a deeper level, I didn’t believe that I could have the things that other people had…
… So I didn’t believe I was allowed to have the relaxed happy easy-going life I saw others have…
I wasn’t able to relax and enjoy myself like other people because what if I made a fool of myself or they judged me negatively…
Letting go and having fun and laughing and smiling openly was all outside of my comfort zone.
***There are a few key things I’ve learned since that time that have been really eye-opening…***
✨ Firstly at the time, I used to hang out with people who I didn’t feel good around…
We tend to attract people into our lives who are a reflection of who we are right now and the issues we have going on with us. I seemed to be surrounded by people who were trying too hard or who were deeply insecure. So whenever I went out socially it was just uncomfortable. I was either criticised as not being confident enough or I just felt upset because I couldn’t have the deep and meaningful conversations I wanted and I couldn’t relax and have a laugh with these people.
✨ The second thing I have learned since those times is that if I want things to improve then I need to work on me first…
I hid away for years. I didn’t socialise I didn’t have fun or do anything that made me feel alive and like life was really worth living. It was only when I started to embrace personal development and taking responsibility for my choices, for how I felt, for my experience and quality of life… that I started to see things changing. It had to start with me first.
✨ The third thing I learned from that time is that people often think that if they change the things around them then that will change their life…
Yes, it will change your life on the surface level but it will not make deeper more lasting changes until you improve your relationship with yourself and you work on your energy so that you are able to be really happy in your own skin and to have a really good relationship with you.
It’s only once you make these changes in your inner world that you will start to see the changes you want reflected in your outer world and your confidence naturally increases.
So the compliment I received from the band member meant so much to me as he was physically seeing the result of all the inner work I have done shining out in my behaviour and my vibe. I was totally in the moment loving life. I was singing, dancing, laughing, smiling, and being playful… I was feeling total joy and love and bliss and that was reflected back to me.
That is a huge contrast to how I used to be and I am so totally grateful for the inner journey I had been on to get there AND I am so totally excited by what will come next! Being able to relax and enjoy life in the moment is the best feeling ever!
Life really is what you make it. The most powerful way to make it what you wish for is to start with you.
(Pic of me and little sis post-concert)
*If you are ready to grow your confidence and start really living (!) and you would welcome some support with that then let’s hop on a call together. We can look at what needs to change for you to feel better and freer. I’ll share with you some tips and strategies or insights to help you get things moving forward, and we will see if we are a match to work together further.
If you have made the decision that you are committed to things to changing for the better and you are ready to find your next step then let’s talk. Book a call with me here: https://calendly.com/hazel/clarity-consultation-up-to-30-minute